The Silence

Such tragedy when you thought you could trust your conviction about a person only to be proven wrong (error of judgement on my part? perhaps). That happened to me this week.

Reflecting on the past, I did see red flags; noticed the signs. The persistence was not so much that he wanted to make me happy; It was traits of a commitment phobic who wanted the adrenaline rush of romance and the feeling of falling in love but could never bring himself to be in love for long. I took the time to ask difficult questions and I should have realised then that he never really provided the answers.

I know what I want and I have communicated these to those keen to start a relationship with me - I want the best for my future kids (yes! I want bundles of joy I could call my own.. that will make me feel complete). I want the best for me! I want a husband who will love me unconditionally, takes good care of me (guide me); who will be responsible and committed to his family (which ultimately will include me); who is stronger than I am. I need that, that emotional support. I need someone who I can have an open, intelligent and honest conversations with; who is not afraid to share his thoughts and feelings (no MCP for me, thank you!); someone who shares my thirst for seeking knowledge and new wisdom, someone who shares my passion in reading, sports/fitness yet is distinctively a man of his own character and mettle (that confidence which I find so alluring). Someone with a stronger faith than I am (yes he has to be a MUSLIM) and someone who is at a stage of his life where he is ready to settle down.

I know Allah has plans for me; everything happens for a reason and I submit to GOD's will coz I know it will make me stronger; a better person ultimately for the one deserving of me. And that's ok. Right now, am just a little sad, but I will be ok. I know I will. I will continue to keep ALLAH close to me and pray for my wishes to come true, Amen.

Life's Lesson

I learn, as the years roll onwards
And leave the past behind
That much I had counted sorrow
But proves that GOD is kind

That may a flower I had longed for
Had hidden a thorn of pain
And may a rugged bypath
Led to fields of ripened grain

The clouds cover the sunshine
They cannot banish the sun
And the earth shines out brighter
When the weary rain is done

We must stand in the deepest shadow
To see the clearest light
And often through wrong's own darkness
Comes the very strength of light

The sweetest rest is at even
After a wearisome day
When the heavy burden of labor
Has borne from our hearts away

And those who have never known sorrow
Cannot know the infinite peace
That falls on the troubled spirit
When it sees at least release

We must live through the dreary winter
If we would value the spring
And the woods must be cold and silent
The flowers must be buried in darkness

Before they can bud and bloom
And the sweetest, warmest sunshine
Comes after the storm and gloom